Believe

My heart has been aching lately. I'm not sure why. You'd think its been enough years since Linz and Mom have been gone that it wouldn't hurt so much. There are definitely times where the hurt is less. I'll think "yes, this is finally getting better." But then an unexpected knife goes through my heart and the wound opens wide all over again.

I wish I'd realized how good I had it B.E. (Before Everything). I had no idea. I thought I understood loss and heartache. I had no idea. In my heart of hearts I know that I've learned much I would have never learned otherwise. I'm grateful for this, really I am. But some days I just want to shake my fist at the heavens. Why does God think I can handle this? Why did we have to lose both of them? Why can't it just be like it was before? I would give just about anything to walk into my parents' house and see my mom standing behind the counter, excited to see me. I would love to see my kids play with Linz. These are not big things I want. They're simple really.

So I'm here, A.E. (After Everything) trying to figure things out. It seems that just when I feel I'm making progress I take a step backwords. So I'm going to rally. I must pick myself up, gather my faith, and take a step forward. This is me rallying:

I'm grateful. I'm grateful for compassion. I'm grateful that I know how to cry with someone else in their heartaches and understand a little of what they feel. I'm grateful for perspective, an eternal perspective really. I'm grateful to be a part of a church that teaches that eternal perspective. I'm grateful for family. So grateful for family. Jake and my kids keep me going every day. I'm grateful for how close my siblings and I have gotten through all of this. I'm grateful to now be related to 60 people who I wouldn't even know if Jake and I hadn't lost parents. Most of all I'm grateful for my Savior, who loves me and cries with me. Even though I don't understand, I can still believe. So, to end this uplifting post (sorry, sometimes I have to let it out) here's a scripture that's been helping me a lot lately. Its in the Book of Mormon.
Mosiah 4:9
"Believe in God. Believe that he is and that he created all things both in heaven and in earth. Believe that he has all wisdom and all power, both in heaven and in earth. Believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend."

Fall!!!

I love fall. I love the crisp feel in the air. I love sitting in front of a fire. I love watching football. And I especially love the beautiful fall colors. It doesn't get better than living in Midway in the fall. The leaves are amazing just from our front yard. Then we take a quick drive to the mountains and it's so beautiful I can hardly stand it. Why more people don't live in Midway is beyond me. I hope we live her for forever. These pics are from a Sunday drive a couple of weeks ago. You should all come visit in the fall. Love it!

Just For Fun

This is what Sage does when I'm not paying close enough attention. She's crazy.

Camping!

My posts are so amazing. For all two of you who look at this blog, I'm sure you get great enjoyment. I have way too much going on to figure out how to make these look good. Oh well...

Anyway, we got away for a night of camping. It was so good to get away and spend some good quality time with the kids. We all needed it. We camped at a place just outside of Hanna (an hour from our house). It was beautiful. Its now one of my favorite places we've camped. We'll definitely go back there. The kids loved it. We played in the river, hiked, and played all kinds of games. So much fun and so good to get away.

Birthdays!

We made it through our birthday month. Somehow we outdid ourselves and got less pictures than normal. We're so good. I chalk it up to a couple of highly stressful weeks.

Zack turned 7, Kate turned 5, and Sage turned 2 all in one month. Let's not forget Jake's birthday in the middle of all that. I attempted a Jolly Roger cake for Zack. Not one of my better attempts. Kate wanted a Candy Land cake like her cousin Megan. It was a hit. I was caked out by Sage's birthday, so she got a cupcake from the bakery. Poor youngest child. I can't believe how old they're all getting. Craziness. They're the best kids ever. Now they just have to put up with their mom:)

The O.C.

We finally made it to the Oregon Coast! It was so much fun! My kids got to see the ocean for their first time and loved it. My siblings and I were all together on vacation for the first time in like 15 years. It was great times. We ate lots of icecream at the Tilamook Creamery, played on the beach for hours and hours, had lots of pirate adventures, and all kinds of other fun. The kids explored all day with their cousins in the campground. They were endlessly entertained and super happy. Every night they would collapse exhausted to bed. Perfect. I caught my first wave on a boogie board, and all was well. We even survived the drive. There were so many cute pics that I couldn't choose, so hopefully I can get the slide show to work. Enjoy!

Festival Days!

We love Farmington Festival Days. So much fun every year. Unfortunately this year I have no pics. Why? Because our camera lens is broken. Not to worry though, a new one is on the way. So I might just have to copy a couple of pics from my sister.

Every year at least a couple of us run in one of the races. This year Toby and I did a new race to Flag Rock. And oh what a race it was. A 10K (actually it was 7.5 miles not 6) straight up the mountain. The route actually took us up the hill my dad lives on. That's right, I ran all the way up that hill. Feel free to be impressed. It didn't end there though. Once we got on the mountain we ran (walked) up switchbacks that were pretty much straight up. I thought I was going to die. Running down was super fun though. We were still running on switchbacks though and a couple times I almost ran off the trail because I couldn't slow down enough to turn. You might wonder why I'm telling you about this race. Well, it's because I got first place. Well, really second place technically. But the girl who got first place took a short cut. So I like to think that I got first place. Not just first place in my age group, but first place for all the girls. That's right. I've gotten second place, third place, and everything else before. But never first. Toby (my brother-in-law) took first place overall. That's right, the Spjutes rocked the house! By the way, when we plotted the route on our GPS it said there was 2000 feet of elevation gain. That's right folks, 2000 feet up in 3 miles. And it was a lot of fun I might add. I'm really loving trail running. Love it!

Anyway, back to the parade. I'm sure you're sick of the race by now. The kids loved the parade as usual. Sage was a little timid with the candy at the beginning. By the end she was grabbing huge amounts of candy. It was all I could do to keep her from shoving them all in her mouth. She's pretty much our bottomless pit. Apparently she ate like 6 hot dogs Friday night. I apologize to Kathy for that diaper:)

After the parade we had my dad's famous breakfast casseroles. So good. Then we decided to hike to the mine with the older kids. For some reason we decided to do this in the middle of a super hot summer day. I thought I was going to die. I was impressed with the kids. They did awesome. Then we topped the night off with a BBQ, fun in the rain, and a birthday celebration for Jake and Zack. It doesn't get better than festival days. Well, maybe next week it will when we're on the Oregon Coast:)