Give Me This Mountain

Life has lots of mountains to climb. Sometimes they're more like hills, sometimes it's like climbing Everest. Sometimes you get a rest in between, sometimes you only make it back down to the saddle before you have to start climbing again. There are times when I climb, times when I sit and rest, and times when I turn around because the mountain's too big, only to try again the next day.

At times I say to God, "No more mountains!" or better yet, "Take this mountain away. I'll climb any mountain but this one." Most days I don't feel like I have the faith that Caleb did. At 85 years of age when faced with fighting giants to inherit the promised land he didn't turn around, he didn't even sit down and rest, he said, "Give me this mountain" (Joshua 14:12). I don't think my faith is strong enough for that, especially today.

Our family's been climbing the mountain of Linz's death. Pretty hard mountain, definitely an Everest if you ask me. I think we've been doing better. Maybe we finally got down to the saddle, but there's no time to rest. There's another mountain ahead and it's bigger than ever. This mountain is my mom's terminal cancer. How does that happen? How can we be expected to climb this mountain when we're still so tired from the last? And then I know. We're not. We're never expected to climb life's mountains alone. There's no way we can do it alone. We climb with the Savior. We climb with Linz and everyone else we love who isn't with us anymore. Sometimes we walk next to them, and sometimes they have to get behind and push. But together we can do it.

How do I live without my mom? She's not just my mom, she's my best friend. I tell her everything. She listens and gives good advice. She laughs and plays. Someday, in my wildest dreams, I'll be a mom like her. So right now I don't know how I'll live without her, but I know I will because I have to. Because at the top of every mountain waits my Savior, my mom, and my sister cheering me on. I have to keep climbing so I can make it back to them. So I will. In faith I will climb on.

This scripture is my testimony and I think the testimony of my family. This is what we believe.

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend." Mosiah 4:9

So because we believe, we will climb this mountain. It might not be pretty, but we will make it to the top. Because that's what our mom taught us to do.