Life has lots of mountains to climb. Sometimes they're more like hills, sometimes it's like climbing Everest. Sometimes you get a rest in between, sometimes you only make it back down to the saddle before you have to start climbing again. There are times when I climb, times when I sit and rest, and times when I turn around because the mountain's too big, only to try again the next day.
At times I say to God, "No more mountains!" or better yet, "Take this mountain away. I'll climb any mountain but this one." Most days I don't feel like I have the faith that Caleb did. At 85 years of age when faced with fighting giants to inherit the promised land he didn't turn around, he didn't even sit down and rest, he said, "Give me this mountain" (Joshua 14:12). I don't think my faith is strong enough for that, especially today.
Our family's been climbing the mountain of Linz's death. Pretty hard mountain, definitely an Everest if you ask me. I think we've been doing better. Maybe we finally got down to the saddle, but there's no time to rest. There's another mountain ahead and it's bigger than ever. This mountain is my mom's terminal cancer. How does that happen? How can we be expected to climb this mountain when we're still so tired from the last? And then I know. We're not. We're never expected to climb life's mountains alone. There's no way we can do it alone. We climb with the Savior. We climb with Linz and everyone else we love who isn't with us anymore. Sometimes we walk next to them, and sometimes they have to get behind and push. But together we can do it.
How do I live without my mom? She's not just my mom, she's my best friend. I tell her everything. She listens and gives good advice. She laughs and plays. Someday, in my wildest dreams, I'll be a mom like her. So right now I don't know how I'll live without her, but I know I will because I have to. Because at the top of every mountain waits my Savior, my mom, and my sister cheering me on. I have to keep climbing so I can make it back to them. So I will. In faith I will climb on.
This scripture is my testimony and I think the testimony of my family. This is what we believe.
"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend." Mosiah 4:9
So because we believe, we will climb this mountain. It might not be pretty, but we will make it to the top. Because that's what our mom taught us to do.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Give Me This Mountain
Posted by Laura Jorgenson at 12:51 PM
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16 comments:
I have tears streaming down my cheeks as I write this. You are right, and I want to scream...No...she's been dealing with enough already, why do you have to pile it all on one person. I don't have an answer for that, and I really wish I did. Often, lately, I find myself wishing Heavenly Father would just give it or some of it to me instead of making me watch people I care about suffer and struggle. But, I'm also always amazed by those people and how they do it. Your perspective is unreal. You're family will get through this, and you will become closer as a result. I can say that with complete confidence.
And, a little story that may help some. My grandmother died when I was just a baby. Like you, my mother was incredibly close to her, and one of the hardest things for her is making sure that her kids know their grandmother. She has talked about her all the time, and I do feel like I know her...I get giddy any time somebody starts talking about her, and I completely tune in. Becuase of that, in many ways I feel like I ams closer to her than to some people who are still living on this earth. I had multiple tangible and specific experiences on my mission where I felt her there with me, and I could actually talk with her. That was a time, as you know, when I needed someone who knew and loved me, and I couldn't call my mom or my best friend, but she was there. Your mother and Linz will be and are there for you and others in ways and times and places that others can't.
You're amazing! Thank you for sharing your feelings on your blog. They inspire me.
Thank you for that Laura. I'm at work and I just got off the phone telling Johnny this news and I can't stop crying. I am in awe at the strength in your family. I can't imagine having to go through what you guys have gone through this last short while. Thanks for the inspiration. We pray for you.
Love ya,
Kaylene
Oh Laura, my heart goes out to you and your wonderful family. I cannot hold back the tears and I find my words to be so inadequate right now. I am so sorry. Please know that you and your family are so loved and will be in our prayers. Don't hesitate to call. Love, Shayla and Doug
You are so amazingly strong, thanks for sharing your faith and testimony. Please let us know if there is anything that we can do for you. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
Laura I am so sorry, this is one of those things that everyone wish's they could help literally take the pain. We can't but we can help to ease it a little. We are praying for your family constantly and have hope and faith that it will help. Jake and I know exactly what you are going through. You are blessed you married someone that can certainly lean on in this. I can't help but think that there is a reason that the Lord is calling his sheep home, for a reason. That doesn't make it any easier but might comfort you. You are so strong and so is you family. We love you all very much. If you need anything at all, for me to watch the kids while you spend time with you mom or whatever, you let me know. Love ya, Laura Sorry if this doesn't make much sense.
Hi!
I am so sorry to hear that you have yet another mountain to climb, especially this one! You guys are in our thoughts and prayers.
I need Laura Christensen's email address ( I forgot to give her mine before she went private) and yours; I have a jewelry party evite to send you!
Love you guys!
Hi, You don't know me. I'm Sherstine's sister-in-law. I'm sorry for the news of your mother so close to another family tragedy, but if I may offer you some thoughts I have on the subject. I lost my dad two years ago to cancer and my best friend just found out her father has cancer. The memories came flooding back. It was a very hard road with lots of ups and downs. Your imagery of a mountain is exactly what the road a head feels like. Thankfully as you know, the Lord strengthens us and helps us get through the things we feel are beyond our capacity. We may never know why the Lord has sent the trials we go through but it is part of the refining process and when we reach the other side we are better for it. I would just say to cherish the time you have with your mother. Write down things about her you would like to remember. When she is feeling well enough, take pictures to remember those things that once they are gone we cannot get back. Learn of her stories and write them down. The best thing my family did was sit down with my dad a make a video of him. It is a priceless gift to look back on. There will always be things you will miss, but the memories you save will be very healing.
May the Lord bless you and your family with the healing comfort of the spirit and may you feel His strength as you climb this mountain.
Thank you for being such an amazing example of faith and fortitude. You are someone I truly admire and look up to. I think you are more like your mother than you may realize. My heart goes out to you and your family and you know that I am here for you. We are praying for you all. We love you guys! Amber, Ryan, Jake and Will
Laura, no. I'm emailing you right now.
What to say? Your family continues to be in my prayers. Hang in there...
Laura,
Sorry to hear about you mom Having just lost my father and having had a father in law with cancer it is a long not so fun road! for me though it has made me delight in the simple things may you be blessed beyond your wildest dreams! and remeber they are only a thought away! let me know if i can do anything for you!
Laura,
Beautifully said...having lost my father to a terminal illness I know a portion of what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and please know I am always here for you. We'll help you climb this mountain - you have so many friends here that will rally around you.
Love ya - Olivia
I am so glad we had the chance to talk the other day. I have been thinking about all of you a lot lately. I am so grateful we come from such a great family. I am grateful for the testimonies in this family. I am truely amazed everytime a trial arises at how that individual family handles it. You and all of your family have such great strength. I am praying for you and please call whenever. I love you.
Laura,
I have been sitting stunned since I heard. I am so sorry and have so much love and admiration for your family. You put it so eloquently. We love you and will be here to help you climb this mountain.
Please know their is strength in numbers. And the YW love you and pray for you. You are such an asset to us.
Keep the faith and know you have an ear if needed.
Love, Wendy
Dear Laura, We are so sorry to hear this sad news. Please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. We love you and please let us know if there is anything we can do.
Ben and Melissa
You don't know me, but I loved your heart touching story and comments that followed. Some mountains feel like you will never reach the top. Life is full of mountains and with our Faith in God above he will always help us make it over one and concour the next. This may sound corkey to you all, but I find my strenght in God through nonChristian songs and here is one I would like to share. Listen to the words, not the artist. Your in my prayers and Godspeed always. I love you all.
The Climb: By Miley Cyrus
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there’s a voice inside my head saying “You’ll never reach it”
Every step I’m taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There’s always gonna be another mountain, I’m always gonna wanna make it move, Always gonna be a uphill battle, Sometimes I’m gone have to lose, Ain’t about how fast I get there, Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb,
The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on
‘Cause there’s always gonna be another mountain, I’m always gonna make it move, Always gonna be uphill battle, Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose, Ain’t about how fast I get there, Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb, yeah!
There’s always gonna be another mountain, I’m always gonna wanna make it move, Always gonna be an uphill battle, Somebody’s gonna have to lose, Ain’t about how fast I get there, Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb, yeah!
Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It’s all about; it’s all about the climb,Keep the faith; keep your faith!
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