Grieving

I'm still here, in case you were wondering. I keep thinking about writing, but then I don't know what to say. Every day is a roller coaster of emotions. Rather than look at life by the day, I go by the minute. I'm grateful for every good minute but have realized that a good minute can quickly be followed by a bad minute. Countless times during the day I think of something I need to tell my mom, and then remember that I can't. Then I feel the pain and sadness. I try to not let it consume me because I don't want to be a sad, bitter person. So I keep going and put a smile on my face for my family. And then at night I let some of the sadness out.

I've been thinking about grieving and friends/family. Before going through everything with my sister and mom I had no idea how to support someone who was grieving. I didn't know what to say or do, so more often than not I didn't say or do anything. Now I know better. In fact, I think my family could offer grief support classes. So here are some of the things I've learned that help. A lot of these things I learned from people who did them for me. Some people are natural at grief support. I've never been one of those people. So if you're like me and need some help here are some pointers:

1. Don't just ask, do. If you ask me if there's anything you can do I'll say no, because I don't know myself and I don't want to be a burden. But if you just tell me you're going to do something I won't turn you down.

2. Don't avoid the subject. Acknowledge what happened, say your sorry, anything. If you're willing to talk to me about it then I know I can talk to you when I need to.

3. Send something. It doesn't need to be a gift or flowers. Just a card or even an email. Something to let me know you care.

4. If possible attend the viewing and/or funeral. I've learned even more that funerals are for the people grieving, not the deceased. It means a lot when friends and family go out of their way to express their sympathy.

5. Stop by. Come visit any time. Bring by some good comfort food, a box of kleenex, or don't bring anything at all. Just a listening ear is nice.

6. Listen. So important. If you ask me how everything is, don't get uncomfortable and change the subject when I start to talk. Just listen.

I could go on, but that should get you started. Thanks to everyone for your friendship and support. I know grief support isn't easy, but its definitely appreciated. To finish up, this has become one of my favorite quotes. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. It will all work out. Put your trust in God and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers." - President Gordon B. Hinckley

Legacy

My mom passed away yesterday afternoon. She was 54 years old, and in that relatively short time she managed to leave behind an amazing legacy. She left behind a legacy of unconditional love, service, and any good quality you can think of. I look at my life and realize that I'd better start working a lot harder because I want to leave a legacy like her's.

I'm happy my mom isn't suffering anymore. The last few days were hard to watch. But I miss her. Almost every memory I have includes my mom in some way. Everything I look at reminds me of her. I know I'll keep doing my best, but it will be a lot harder without my best friend and mentor.

I'm happy to think of my mom and Linz together again. I'm sure mom was so happy to see her. I know that even though I won't see my mom again for a long time she'll still be a big part of my life. I'll still try to do what I know would make her happy. And I know that she'll do everything she can to help me from the other side. I look forward to seeing her and Linz again.